Information TV - It's Ronke!

What is Ronke? What does Ronke do? How long has Ronke been doing whatever it is Ronke does? Does Ronke have a smell? Does Ronke wear shoes? Are there any Ronke socks?

Is Ronke a noun, a verb or an adjective? Animal, vegetable or mineral?

How does one Ronke? At what time does Ronke take place? Is the sky Ronke, or the sea?

On what sort of diet does a Ronke subsist? Where might one expect to find Ronke growing? What medicinal benefits, if any, does Ronke have?

Ronke lives on Information TV. At the end of a Ronke broadcast, there's a link. Following that link takes you to an Error 404 page. But this Error 404 page is different. It's an apology.

Ronke is the unwelcome guest who's here to stay. Information TV is your host, just as Information TV is Ronke's host. Over dinner, you both hear Ronke stomping about upstairs. Information TV looks at you with despairing eyes and mouths a pained sorry.

Ronke is, apparently, single. Ronke is a Capricorn. How do I know this? Because Ronke has a Myspace page.

From this we can also deduce that Ronke is male. Be that as it may, conducting a Google image search for Ronke will reap pictures of women.

At the time of writing, Ronke is apparently 91 years old. I think it shows.

Ronke has 247 friends.

How does Ronke describe himself?

“Ronke is dedicated to bringing you the best short films from around the world. We show everything from festival award-winners to no-budget student films. We offer audiences an exciting mix of drama, comedy, horror, animation and experimental shorts.”

I saw Ronke once. In that time, I caught two of these films, both of which I would place in the “no-budget student” category.

The first was an Australian piece called All My Friends Are Getting Married. One man complained to another about itchy hands. The other man suggested that they should get married, so they did. At the end, one of them raised a very good point: The sequel to I Know What You Did Last Summer is called I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Yet surely if the action's intended to take place the year following the preceding film, it should be called I Know What You Did The Summer Before Last?

The second film was called Eating Out. Having been to the cinema, a couple went for a meal at a restaurant which could only be described as “swanky”. In the corner a lesbian couple kissed with increasing passion. The man refused to admit that the couple were lesbians, so his girlfriend left him. The dialogue was awful, simply because it came across as obviously having been written. But as a result, it raised another very good point: What the hell do people talk about?

Sandwiched between these films were remarkable idents, presumably made by Ronke himself. These too were of the “no-budget student” category, but my word, were they weird. Come for the films, stay for the idents.

 

Information on Ronke is scant. Their web presence appears to be trapped in about 2006. But if you've made it this far, surely you agree this this dearth of information only adds to the allure?

Ronke is unique and unprecedented. Where else but Information TV would provide a home for Ronke?

The images in this post are not necessarily representative of the films or idents discussed, but are the sole images pertaining to Ronke I could find anywhere. I got them from Ronke's Myspace. I use them without permission.

If Ronke wants me to take them down, I will do so immediately. But for that to happen, Ronke would first have to contact me.

And how amazing would that be?