This Year's Susan Boyle

 
The World Cup's nearly over. I think.

I'm going to keep my opinions on football to myself. Be that as it may, even the most insane of face-painting, wig-wearing, wife-beating, lager-swilling “footie nut” must agree that football, when mixed with music, is about as appealing a prospect as white supremacy mixed with music.

I could compile a list of examples of the worst offenders (which would include an honourable mention to the maudlin fan-chants which drone out of televisions nationwide whenever a match is played by anyone, anywhere – there really is no escape) but, seeing as this would involve not just listening once more to such things I promised myself I would never hear again, it would also involve dignifying the output of such “musicians” through the obligation to search for details concerning whoever the hell shat out such unlistenable monstrosities in the first place.

But life's too short. And anyway, in the face of countless online resources seemingly dedicated to saying just how shit is absolutely everything, the whole point of this blog was to make it seem like not such a taboo to, you know, enjoy things. Which is why, in this instance, I'm going to keep my opinions concerning football to myself.

However, please try to imagine my reservations and dread when I came across this:

Match Of The Day. The album. Third only to “Jeremy Kyle – The Album” and “Loose Women – The Album” in “Television shows I find utterly abhorrent for which a soundtrack album must surely represent a low point for human endeavour to date”.

And yet, take a look at the track listings as taken from Play.com:

Disc 1

Kasabian - Fire
The Killers - Human
The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition
Doves - Jetstream
MGMT- Kids
Vampire Weekend - Cousins
Calvin Harris - I'm Not Alone
Friendly Fires - Jump In The Pool
Keane - Spiralling
The Stone Roses - Fools Gold
Broken Bells - The High Road
Just Jack - Embers
Iglu & Hartly - In This City
The Courteeners - You Overdid It Doll
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
The Cribs - We Share The Same Skies
Glasvegas - Geraldine
Leftfield featuring Afrika Bambaataa - Afrika Shox
The Clash - This Is England
The Dallas Guild World Cup Team - Rainbow Nation (Soviet Science Mix) (BBC World Cup Theme)

Disc 2

U2 - Beautiful Day
Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
Mumford & Sons - The Cave
Scouting For Girls - This Ain't A Love Song
Owl City - Fireflies
Stereophonics - Dakota
The Charlatans - The Only One I Know (From Cadbury's Dairy Milk TV Ad)
Manic Street Preachers featuring Nina Persson - Your Love Alone Is Not Enough
The Ting Tings - Be The One
The Big Pink - Tonight
Delphic - Counterpoint
Bloc Party - Banquet
Primal Scream - Loaded
Editors - Papillon
Darwin Deez - Radar Detector
Kids In Glass Houses - Matters At All
Pixies - Isla De Encanta (From Visa Football TV Ad)
Rik Mayall - Noble England
Journey - Don't Stop Believin'
Baddiel, Skinner & Lightning Seeds - Three Lions '98


OK, OK – there is rather a lot of landfill indie toss on there. And, granted, Black Eyed Peas, Scouting For Girls, Owl City, Just Jack, Iglu & Hartly – yeah, exactly the sort of music which makes me wonder as to why I've vested such interest so far in a medium capable of being spun for such evil means.

Beyond that, though, there's plenty of brilliance, wonder and joy to which I'd actually want to listen. Leftfield featuring Afrika Bambaataa. Passion Pit. MGMT. Doves. Broken Bells. Darwin Deez. Pixies. Vampire Weekend.

Beyond even that, though, the song choices – as arguably pedestrian and middle-of-the-road as they might be – are actually pretty good songs – the sort for which it would be churlish of me to even pretend not to like. You have my favourite respectable songs by U2 and Stereophonics, an undeniable populist classic by Primal Scream – and the opening trio of the first disc? Well, they might not be the best songs ever written, but they're all exactly the sort of anthems which could be happily  embraced by stadia full of people who previously shared very little indeed in common.

OK, it's awful that certain songs require parentheses detailing the adverts in which they appeared, but still. Even the token “football songs” are more than tolerable. The pair of them would have been identified as “worthy exceptions” had I gone and made my aforementioned petty and infernal list of hatred and resentment. If you've not yet heard Rik Mayall's Noble England, well. It's rousing even beyond the football context in which it's written.

But why is it this year's Susan Boyle? Well, remember when Boyle first belted out with that voice and Ant (or Dec) turned to the camera and exclaimed “weren't expecting that, were you”? That's exactly what my brother said to me when he first demonstrated this particular compilation to me.

Also, whilst I can appreciate this compilation and am able to at least consider that it could be much, much worse – all the same I don't think I'd ever actually sit down and listen to it, let alone buy it. Just like with Susan Boyle!

Rejoice: For things are sometimes not as bad as you think they're going to be.

All Is Right In The World

The empire has fallen, and all feels right in the world. How am I celebrating? By obsessively making lists. As usual.

Ladies and gentlemen, here, truncated, is my Top 25 albums of 2009:

25. Orphan Fairytale - Ladybird Labyrinth
24. Zero 7 - Yeah Ghost
23. Broadcast - Broadcast and the Focus Group Investigate the Witch Cults of the Radio Age
22. Blk Jks - After Robots
21. A Broken Consort - Box of Birch
20. Passion Pit - Manners
19. Years - s/t
18. Jonsi & Alex - Riceboy Sleeps
17. Dead Man's Bones - s/t
16. Girls - Album
15. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - s/t
14. Bat For Lashes - Two Suns
13. Doves - Kingdom of Rust
12. Mew - No More Stories...
11. Yo La Tengo - Popular Songs
10. The Flaming Lips - Embryonic
9. Anthony & The Johnsons - The Crying Light
8. Engineers - Three Fact Fader
7. The Field - Yesterday and Today
6. Andrew Bird - Noble Beast
5. Ducktails - s/t
4. Various - Dark Was The Night
3. Wild Beasts - Two Dancers
2. Dan Deacon - Bromst
1. Animal Collective - Meriweather Post Pavilion


Loses all meaning when not accompanied by a glut of impassioned/aimlessly purple prose, don't you think?


The fun doesn't stop there. Every year I allow for my listening habits to be utterly dictated by the notion that, come the end of the year, I'll put all of my favourite tracks of the year together on a "best of the year" mix CD. I've done the same this year. I'd like to say that this represents a comprehensive "best tracks of 2009", but it doesn't. Favoured tracks are often omitted/suplanted for the sake of running time and/or order. So, here's a mix CD I entitled 2009 - it's not at all available for streaming or download, so I'm just wasting everybody's time, really.

1. The Pains of Being Pure At Heart - Stay Alive
2.  Ducktails - Pizza Time
3.  Girls - Lust For Life
4. Wild Beasts - Empty Nest
5. Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
6.  The Field - The More That I Do
7.  Dan Deacon - Build Voice
8. Animal Collective - In The Flowers
9. Years - The Major Lift
10.  Doves - Winter Hill
11.  Intricate Machines - Wooden Roof
12.  Yo La Tengo - More Stars Than There Are In Heaven
13.  Andrew Bird - Anonanimal
14.  Anthony & The Johnsons - Another World
15.  Bat For Lashes - Siren Song
16.  Zero 7 - All of Us

It flows beautifully, you know.

Finally, we shall bring this cavalcade of dull to a dusty flumping close with an approximation of my favourite albums of the noughties. With two exceptions they're all guitar driven. Aside from a couple of starring roles, they're dominated by male. And, with no exceptions, they're white, western. This does not make me a racist chauvinist, but it may make me a twat. I don't know. I'm reluctant to expand my horizons for the sake of expansion. That way madness - and ridicule - lies. So, the best of the noughties, then, in pure, unadulterated list form, for I don't have the time for "in depth", nobody will read it anyway and oh god it's all so droll and crass and predictable: 

1. Radiohead - Kid A
2. Boards of Canada - Geogaddi
3. Animal Collective - Feels
4. Badly Drawn Boy - Hour of Bewilderbeast
5. Super Furry Animals - Rings Around The World
6. Broken Social Scene - You Forgot it in People
7. Arcade Fire - Funeral
8. Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump
9. Sufjan Stevens - Come On Feel The Illinoise
10. Lou Reed - The Raven
11. The Delgados - The Great Eastern
12. Sigur Ros - ( )
13. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls In America
14. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Abattoir Blues/The Lyre of Orpheus
15. The Beta Band - Hot Shots II
16. Blur - Think Tank
17. The Field - From Here We Go Sublime
18. Guillemots - Through The Window Pane
19. Yo La Tengo - And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out
20. British Sea Power - Do You Like Rock Music


Up next - who cares?